The Pasta Express

July 28th, 2007

I’m sure most of you have seen the ads on TV for the Pasta Express , which is basically a large plastic tube with a lid and a velcro thing that wraps around it. The idea is that you put your pasta in it, pour in some boiling water, and in 7-10 minutes you have perfectly cooked pasta. It can also cook veggies and other stuff, even hot dogs.

Now I had seen a review on a local news show that said it didn’t work very well, so it was hard for me to invest $10-15 on it, but I still thought it might be a good idea. But, one day while at a yard sale, I found one for 50 cents, so I figured I’d give it a chance.

So, tonight came along, and I decided it was finally time to give it a try. I got out my alfredo sauce and started it to warming up and filled the electric kettle with water and waited for it to boil. Next I put a small handful of fettuccine in the Pasta Express, poured in the freshly boiled water, set the timer for 7 minutes, and settled in for the wait. When the timer beeped I looked over and it was very easy to tell that the pasta was no where near done. So i waited another 7 or 8 minutes and thought it was getting softer, it was still far from done. I then filled the kettle with some more water and set it to boil again, which took a few minutes, and then emptied the pasta express’s water and poured in the new boiled water and left it again for another 7 or so minutes. Finally I was hungry and it looked close to done, so I went ahead and emptied the water and poured the pasta into a bowl where I discovered that it was not only very stuck together, but STILL not cooked all the way. I went ahead and ate it, due to lack of other options, and the sauce was good enough that I kind of forgot about the noodles, but it was still far far from perfect.

Overall: As much as I wanted to believe in this product, the bottom line is it just turned out to be crap. But, for 50 cents, I at least ended up with a nice drum stick holder.

>bob

The Queens Have Fallen

February 23rd, 2007

Two Queens
One Blonde, and one not
One with big fake boobies
One that used to be hot
It’s everywhere I look
It’s in everything I’ve read
Fortunately, one’s now in rehab
and the other one is dead

athank you!!

With all that’s actually going on in this world, why is it that I have to turn on my TV every night and watch grown people, low level white trash rolling around in the mud and having a pissing match over a dead nudie girl’s bloating decaying body? I know this was the role of a lifetime for that judge, and he’s got him an agent and he’s hoping to get a TV show because he thinks he’s the next Judge Judy, but there was really no good reason to drag this out. Could anyone explain to me what that Birkhead guy was doing there? If the were going to invite every guy who had ever tossed her a poke, they’d have needed the Pontiac Silver Dome for the trial. There’s really only 1 maybe 2 things of interest in the whole case, who is the father of the little girl, which I think we can all agree that Stern never hit that, so it’s got to be someone else, and if The Stern had anything to do with the death of the boy or Anna. Outside of that can we please stop all of the media hype? The day after she died it was all over my TV, what has this woman done to deserve that kind of attention? She was fat, she was skinny, she was fat, she was skinny, she was nekked a couple times, and that’s pretty much it. She was a woman, obsessed with fame and with everyone thinking that she was Marilyn Monroe, she didn’t care what or who she had to do to get and stay famous. She lived fast, very very fast, and it killed her young. Forgive me if the only person I feel sorry for here is the baby.

Then, when I’m not seeing Howard K’s goofy mug pasted across the 51″ of Toshiba goodness in my living room, I’m seeing the young Miss Spears in various states of undress and crazy. The saddest thing about that situation, again, is the poor children who have to ask the Nanny “Is that mommy’s Hoo-Hoo on the TV?”. This girl had the world by the tail, and at the peak of it all (or as it was starting to slide, depends on your point of view) she leaves it all behind to become a wife and a mother. She marries quite possibly the biggest goof on the planet and then proceeds to have a couple kids with him even though he’s bouncing around the country spending all of her money on God knows what AND trying to produce his own “rap album” because it was so crap that no one else would do it. At this point, most of the world saw “poor Britney” trying to do the best she could with a cheating, gold digging, gravy training hubby, and they felt sorry for her. But then, fast forward, and she throws The Goof out and files for divorce. The world rejoices. But then she jumped on the downward spiraling train hanging on to Paris Hilton’s panties, flashing her goodies, clubbing, drinking, smoking, all the while the kids are at home (now with daddy) and she’s on her 3rd trip to rehab. I can only imagine that the only thing more embarrassing than having pictures of your goods being slathered across the internet like Peter Pan Peanut Butter, is having the world think that the no talent douche that is K-Fed is the better of the 2 parents.

…anyway, until next time,
-Bob

Patriotism…

December 13th, 2006

Well I must write today to let you know that I am patriotic. You see many of you didn’t know that I work in a military situation did you??? Well neither did I until I recently found that I have a couple of commandos running around the office. The killer thing about this is that they are female commandos.

Are you familiar with the commando? If not we will allow you to read the definition here. Not that I am complaining but my god if it wasn’t enough to see Brit Brit’s C-Section Scar or wonky eye Paris Hilton’s moose knuckle, now everyone is running around commando. Now don’t get me wrong, these women aren’t showing the entire goods but when your pants drop below ass line every time you bend over perhaps it is time to visit the Fredericks of Hollywood (note this is just the trashier version of Victoria Secret).

Never the less… I salute you and all of our Military personnel.

luego

I Love The Fall…Even MORE

November 16th, 2006

Unfortunately, living in Iowa, most of the time, we don’t really get a full blooded “fall” season, most years it just goes from summer to pre-winter to winter. Oh sure, technically all of the leaves come off of the trees, but it goes from the 80’s to freezing temps like overnight. This year has really been no different, We ended up with our first frost in either late September or early October, and it’s been pretty unpleasant every since.

But this year, I’ve discovered a whole new appreciation for the season. Though it’s been windy and cold, and all my leaves have fallen off of my big tree out front, for the first time I’ve actually taken joy in watching the wind blow large piles of leaves into the neighbor’s yard. Now, though I thought the culmination of the fun was watching them mow and bag the lawn the other day leaving their lawn nice and green only to have a cold front come through and bring 40 mph winds which quickly filled their yard again with beautiful yellow leaves, I was wrong.

Last weekend, I went out to let the dog out and I heard a noise, I looked to the left down my driveway and saw 3 of the hellions in my driveway scooping up leaves into a bucket. I decided I’d stand and watch for a bit, if for nothing else having something to write about. They proceeded to take the bucket full of leaves over to their yard and throw it up in the air and yell “FIREWORKS!!!”, as the leaves trickled down into their yard. Then they would head back to my driveway and start all over again. I thought my enjoyment would peak there with the thought of them hauling all of my leaves into their yard one bucket at a time, but again I was wrong.

Later that day, when I went out to get the puppy back in, again there was a noise, and this time I looked out into the yard to see the same 3 hellions hauling armloads of leaves up the small hill beside my car port and drop them on a large pile. I inquired “Whatcha doin’?”

“Makin’ a pile!” they replied

“And what are you going to do with that pile?”

“WE’RE GONNA SIT ON IT!” they gleefully hollered back, not letting me interrupt their work.

“How about we don’t do that?” I offered.

“OK!”

So then they very quickly came up with a wonderful new idea, the began the process of moving the large pile of leaves down into their yard and piling them up against their house. This only managed to go on with that, much to my delight, for just a few seconds before Grandpa headed out on to the porch to inquire as to their current goals.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU F***IN’ RETARDS DOING? DON’T DRAG THOSE OVER HERE, THOSE ARE HIS LEAVES!! GET YOUR F***IN’ ASSES IN HERE!!”

I think it was the most trouble I’ve had yet not bursting into laughter. Unfortunately, they then scattered some of the leaves back in my yard before running in the house crying.

Some of me thinks I’ll be sad when it starts snowing as it may confine them to the house, but something tells me that they might just find new ways to keep me entertained.

I’ll let ya know.

…anyway, until next time,
–bob

My first post here…

November 16th, 2006

Well first thanks to Bob for the invite.

Today I will discuss this disturbing thing that I noticed a while back and then again the other day. Around my area the use of Methamphetamine is running wild. The local paper is running a news series about the MOM (Mothers on Meth). Well I guess that this is some kind of support group. A few weeks ago while I was dropping one of the kids off at preschool I notice a flier with little tear off tags that have meeting info or contact info. This in itself is all great. The thing I find odd is that they have this posted in a preschool and all of the tags are gone. Come on people… If you can be coherent enough to take your child to preschool and take a number to a support group can’t you just get off the stuff. I am sure that many will say that I don’t know what I am talking about and have no right to judge these poor addicts… Well your right I don’t know because I just said NO!

Hopefully I will get back into the swing of things and can find some good FedEx news to talk about soon.

luego

Growing Up

November 15th, 2006

So I turned Five back in January It’s hard to believe. Growing up can be kinda cool. I’m not actually 5, I’m 42. But as of January 15th, 2006 – I have 5 years clean. That’s right, ‘been showering for 5 years. Not really. Well.. yeah really, but that’s not what it means. Those of you who know what it means, know. Those of you who don’t know, just be glad I am. Trust me, your lives are alot better because of it.

I used to destroy everyone and everything around me. Sucked them into my void and turned everything upsidedown. Things have changed. That’s a good thing. I try to help now. I try to make things better now. I try…

Trouble is, when you grow up, there are so many things/people that need help. So many situations that could be made better. If only…..

You see, I can only do the next right thing. I don’t have control over you, your situation, the weather, time. If you need me, I’ll be there. If there is something I can do, I have the courage to do it. If there’s nothing I can do, I can accept that. Can you?

When I need help, I’ve learned to ask. I’m not afraid of asking any more. I used to be. I used to think that it meant I was weak if I couldn’t do it by myself. I learned that, with the help of others, others who have been there-done that-and come out the other side, I too can accomplish much. But it’s up to me to ask.

Life is good today. As it was yesterday. We’ll see about tomorrow. Ain’t gonna worry about it though. I’ll deal with it when it comes. For now, I’ll just sit here and count my blessings. Blessings like having having friends willing to answer my questions. Willing to show me the way. And the blessing of being able to be there if someone else needs help. Able to show them the way.
If you need me, I’ll be here, Just ask.
Till Then….
– Blurrr

IT’S ALL COMING TOGETHER

November 14th, 2006

After two days of banging my head against the desk, I think I’ve finally figured out the logging in problem, and resolved it.  I’ll also be transferring the domain in the next few days, hopefully won’t cause any outages, but if so, you were warned.

Unfortunately, things are moving quite as quickly as I’d hoped, it’s been somewhat of a struggle lining up the writers I need for this site, but hopefully it will all come together soon.  Still shooting for 12-1-06 to open shop, but we’ll have to see.

–The Fat Kid

COMING SOON…

November 14th, 2006
The Brand New TheFatKid.org is coming. I am hoping to open shop by 12-1-06.My goal is simple. To gather the greatest collection of writers from all over the internet to post in one place. I’m currently working very hard to gather a team of the finest, or most depraved…whatever, minds that I can find to make this the GREATEST SHOW ON THE PLANET.

I’ll post updates here as I secure contributors and as the site begins to come together.

So again…

WELCOME TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON THE PLANET!!!

–The Fat Kid